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Our elite society of ninjas would like to extend an invitation to those writers who would like an opportunity to train in the art of subtlety and resourcefulness. If you are interested, please contact Maryposa at mary_gola@live.com. Please include your name, and contact information. Anyone who would like to play is welcome.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I Bet It Stung

It was 7:16. She sat silently on the suede sofa, staring at the ceiling. She startled as she heard his footsteps creak in the hall, his struggle with keys at the door. As he entered the apartment he noticed the smell of spaghetti. He dropped his keys into the wicker basket on the table. He hung his fleece sweater on the wooden hook in the entryway. “Smells good, honey.”
She sighed as she simultaneously mouthed his words. Emphasis on smells. She knew that he couldn’t stand her cooking. So taste would be a different story. As he came into the living room, he noticed her perched there on the couch, looking up. He glanced quickly to the ceiling as well and saw a dull bulb where a light fixture should be. “Oh, that’s what I forgot.” She knew that he hadn’t actually forgotten the fixture, but conveniently taken the 405 home as to not pass the hardware store. When she smiled and looked at him, he said he would pick it up tomorrow. She smiled, seemingly pacified, at least for the time being. “How was your day?” he asked.
“You’re twenty minutes late,” she replied. “The spaghetti is probably getting cold.” She nodded in the direction of the dining room, and stood up. Her bare feet slid smoothly across the hardwood floor as she led him to the table. He sat down and she served him, then scooped some noodles out for herself. She gave him very little sauce. He wouldn’t like it anyway.
She set his plate on the table and went to turn on some music. She pulled out her ancient copy of Up You Alley and pushed it into the CD player. She sat down beside him and started on her spaghetti.
“I love the rock and roll,” he said.
“That’s not on this album, babe.”
“I know; I just meant in general. Ya know?” She could hear a stiffness in his voice. “Sorry, I never really listen to this kind of stuff.”
“Don’t get so uptight,” she said. “It’s just Joan Jett.”
Not wanting to bring it up again, she waited a few minutes before she finally had the nerve to tell him. “I picked up the light fixture this afternoon.”
“You did? That’s great.” He swallowed. “I’ll hang it after dinner.”
He stood on the couch as he took the glass fixture from its cardboard box. She watched expectantly. He touched the bulb and quickly pulled away.
“You’ll have to take it out to install the fixture.” She handed him a rag, so he wouldn’t burn his hands. As he thanked her, she looked into his dark brown eyes. She knew he was thinking about it, so now was the perfect time to ask. But she knew he could tell what she was thinking to, and before she had a chance to ask, he told her the one thing she hadn’t predicted, “I know you plan out everything that you want to say.”
She stared at him shocked, in disbelief. He went to screw in the fixture, and she thought for a second that she should stop him. But instead she looked at the floor, and mumbled the only words of the evening she hadn’t rehearsed. “I wish that we didn’t have to go about things this way.”
As he fell, the lights flickered, and she glanced quickly at the dimming red numbers of the digital clock hanging on the wall.
It was 7:17. She sat silently on the suede sofa, staring at the ceiling. She startled as she heard his footsteps creak in the hall, his struggle with keys at the door.

2 comments:

MaryPosa said...

I know we talked about your piece a bunch, but i wanted to add a few things:
Since the story has an ending that changes the rest of the piece, i would have liked to see some more in a second reading that would be enhanced by knowing the ending. Some clues leading up to the end that would be pretty hidden until after you knew the end. Does that make sense at all? Anyway. But like i said before i thought you did an excellent job in conveying the relationship between the characters.
I know that you used the " i love the rock and Roll " for the ninja quest, but i guess my question is did you already have this story in mind, or did the lyrics inspire it?

Unknown said...

Hi. I think you have some really good moments in this piece. For example, when he comes home and she mimics what he does. (Which is also funny now that i think about it because she was fantasizing it, or dreaming it...)That makes it awesome-er-er.

One thing I think is interesting is that there is never a clear picture of either one of the characters. They kind of become these silhouettes of people, which is sooo good with the rest of your theme. I loved it.

I wonder if you could play up the stagnancy more in the piece, without having to worry about giving away too much.

You asked when we were talking about the piece if there was a need to know the "it". I don't think there is, but i think that you could play with the "it" to bring it out more. Maybe not that you ever have to come out and say it, because i really like not knowing what it is. But just so that there is the added weight of it in the background.